“I am telling you the truth: those who hear my words and believe in him who sent me have eternal life. They will not be judged, but have already passed from death to life” — Jesus, in John 5:24.
“O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?” 1 Corinthians 15:55.
“This mortal body must be changed into a body that will live forever.” 1 Corinthians 15:53.
On the night before, knowing that the next day I would bury my sweetie’s ashes, I went to bed with apprehension, not knowing how the day would go. My heart was beating too fast and I was very nervous.
Tomorrow, I would go to the cemetery at an appointed time, for the solemn ceremony that would honor my Jerry’s life, specifically, in that military environment, his service to his country.
I thought to myself, this would be our last date; this would be the last time I would be with a part of him — though, I know this would be only his physical remains. The real Jerry already is in the presence of the Lord.
In the night, I dreamed I was going to an important event, but I was unaware of what it was. I suddenly became aware that I was arriving there without even having combed my hair; I hadn’t washed my face or brushed my teeth, and I surely hadn’t put on any make-up!!
I felt very ill prepared to enter into the immediate situation.
Later, the next morning, as I pondered that dream, I knew I wasn’t ready to face the day ahead, full of its uncertainties – the day I would say goodbye in a formal sense.
But, I also knew that, on my own, I would never be ready to face life that would be forever changed: I wouldn’t have Jerry’s physical presence with me ever again. I would never feel the warmth of his hand holding mine — his assurance that he was always there for me; I would never again feel the comfort and security of his good hugs, which always said, I’m here, and we will face whatever comes, together; I would never again know the confidence I had in his intellectual capacity of understanding what needed to be done in any given situation.
In another dream that night, I knew I had to attend a meaningful affair. I was very nervous about it. In my dream, I knew Jerry would want to go with me, to support me, knowing I was anxious. Then, I half-woke, and realized.
When someone you love passes to the next level of life, you still feel like that one is here.
I remember when Jerry’s older brother passed: For weeks after the funeral, Jerry kept feeling that he needed to call his brother.
I have a couple of voice mails on my phone from Jerry, before he got so ill. He sounds just like Jerry, like I could go into the next room and find him sitting there, and be able to talk to him or give him a hug.
The truth is, even though Jerry is physically away from me — in a different place, I feel he is still here with me, and I know, when I go, I will know him and live with him again.
As more and more of my family passes to the next level, a part of me wishes I could go now, too, to be with them – I have no children, therefore, no grandchildren; no generations beyond me.
Most of those I’ve loved are already in the next life. What I’m about to say may sound trivial to some, but others will understand: I really miss my precious little fur babies, too, and long to see them again. I’m still without a pet, but I know when the time is right, that certain little kitty will find its way to me, sent by God, as all of my kitties have done and have been.
My mama passed to Glory in 2013. Only a few months later, my precious beloved kitty Susannah passed. I used to call her my “cow baby,” 🙂 because she reminded me of a Holstein cow. I was so broken up about her passing – she was my favorite – that I cried SO hard.
As I sobbed, sitting on top of the toilet lid to have access to plenty of toilet paper for tears and nose blowing, I heard God’s sweet voice tenderly speak to my spirit: He said, “She went straight to Mama, and Mama is feeling great compassion for you because she knows how much you loved her.”
I’ve read and heard of people who have visited Heaven and come back:
One was escorted to his mansion (John 14:2).
As his angel took him inside, he saw it was beautifully furnished with wonderful claw-footed antiques! His response was one of surprise and great joy, but also of immense puzzlement.
The answer came: Because I know that’s what you love!
One actually died and came back to life after a terrible accident.
One thing that stood out to me, as I read his account, was that he saw fields of immaculately white flowers which had liquid-gold centers!
Another was given a tour of Heaven, and returned.
One thing he encountered was that he saw people having a wonderful time picnicking on the grounds! He saw trees, rivers, grass — the beauty of nature.
As his time drew to a close, God told his “tour guide” angel, “Take him out through the mountains…
I know how he loves the mountains!”
I believe that Heaven is an actual place — maybe even a real planet!
It’s not just floating on clouds and playing harps forever!!
Based on what I’ve heard and read, this certainly makes sense!
It’s physically real…but, a different kind of physical reality…
just as Jesus’ body was real after the resurrection.
His body was physical, but in a different way: He had a flesh-and-bone body which could be touched and felt, that could eat a piece of physical fish (Luke 24:36 – 43).
It seems to me, God must’ve fashioned our earth after His Heaven: In the beginning of earth, everything was perfection.
It was only after sin entered life here, that life on earth became hard, and perfection began to deteriorate. It was all due to Man’s stubborn will to go contrary to God. Plus, Man believed the lie — and still does — that he can do better than God.
On the day before my “last date,” I had taken our God’s gift 2004 Chevy to have her oil changed, and have her checked. I also had to get a new headlight and two “new” tires – good used tires. I know Jerry must’ve been proud of me for getting the car checked over before a “big” trip: Bushnell is a little over an hour west of home.
On that day, Tuesday, December 15, I allowed more than enough time to get there to the cemetery. I know me: If I had planned for just enough time, I would’ve been afraid something would make a delay, or I wouldn’t be able to easily find the cemetery. That would’ve made me extra nervous!
I got there 45 minutes early. I drove up to the – what I would call – the “guard shack,”and told the man inside that I was there for Jerry Davis at 11:00. He said, “You’re the first car.” I said, “I’m the ONLY car.”
He told me to drive into the far right lane, lane
5, up to the yellow stop bar.
Lanes 2 and 3 were accumulating vehicles, especially lane 3, which was getting very many cars behind a hearse. People were getting out of their vehicles and greeting each other.
I left my car and walked back to the restroom, then, stood off to the side, apart from the fellowshipping funeral attendees.
As I waited, I looked out over some of the immaculately-kept
grave sites.
In a while, a small car drove up past me in lane 4, crossed over to lane 5, and took the lead position in front of my car.
The driver got out and came toward me: “Cynthia Davis?” I nodded, and said, “Yes.”
He presented me with a piece of paper I had to
sign, saying I gave my permission to bury my husband’s ashes.
He explained what would happen, then said, “So, I guess it’s just you and me?” I nodded.
I drove behind him to park in front of “Committal Shelter G,” one of many which dot the vast, treed property, as I saw later.
We got out of our cars. I walked toward him as he was handing over the urn, which held my Jerry’s remains, and the folded American flag, which would honor Jerry’s service, to one
of two uniformed Marines who had arrived before us. I walked behind them as they slowly marched to the covered, open-air shelter.
They placed the urn on a platform, and leaned the triangularly folded flag against it, then, soberly saluted Jerry’s ashes.
A recording of taps began to play — slowly and deliberately.
The two Marines began unfurling the flag, backing away from each other with each fold they opened.
They completely extended it, displaying the height and breadth of Old Glory. Then, beginning the process of refolding it, the two Marines came back together, face to face.
One took the flag, cradling it with respect, and approached, to present it to me.
With great solemnity and deference, he went down on one knee and held it out to me.
As I began to cry, he
articulated, “On behalf of the President of the United States, the Commandant of the Marine Corps, and a grateful nation, please accept this flag as a symbol of our appreciation for your loved one’s honorable and faithful service.”
Years ago, when Jerry and I chose the details of our “final arrangements,” we intentionally determined to make this the simplest of procedures. We chose cremation, no service, and a quiet burial of the ashes – for both of us.
After the modest acknowledgement of Jerry’s service to his country, I spent some time alone under the spreading live oak trees that populate that serene, peaceful landscape where thousands of servicemen and -women have found their resting places.
This was a closure for me.
It went very well.
Looking back, I see that God put everything in His divine order. All my worries were for naught.
Now, I must go on living my life, continuing to trust God without understanding.
Earlier, I said that I knew that, on my own, I would never be able to face life that would be forever changed. But, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).
And I do feel Him close — by my side, every day.
I also said earlier that a part of me wishes I could go on to Glory now, to be with those I love. But, I still have so many unfulfilled hopes and dreams that I long to see realized in this life!
God is the One who put those in me when He made me. I’m trusting Him to bring me into the manifestation of all those unfinished desires.
I know that, in time, I will feel joy and contentment in life again.
Click an image.
Update:
February 15, 2021.
It’s getting close to three months since Jerry went Home to Heaven. I will always love Jerry and I will always miss Jerry. It’s difficult sometimes to come home to an empty house. But, I’m happy for Jerry that he is no longer in his sick, old body. He has a new body, and is free of all limitations. He is living in the very presence of God Almighty, the Great I AM.
I’m doing better. Sometimes something will still hit me hard and I cry. But, God continues to give me peace, and the assurance that I still have life ahead of me. I believe God has a new beginning for me.
As I live one day at a time, I’m returning to my passion for creativity. I’ve been working on some things, and you will soon see posts sent out again.
I have received several comments and emails from y’all expressing love and concern, and continuing faithfulness to my blog. Thank you from my heart! I love y’all!
Blessings, Cindy
